The Roommate Arrangement Page 32

  “Jessica, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He looked at the screen and fell silent.

  “At TMZ, we wondered who the mysterious blonde and where she was from, check this out—”

  The screen faded into a view of a dilapidated porch of a house that I knew very well. On it were three people: a fat blonde woman and her husband, and squeezed between them was their son, Vincent.

  A reporter held a microphone to them. “She was a difficult child, but we did the best we could. We had her for seven years, and then she left to join a group home. We never saw her again.”

  Shelly Kramer leaned in, her watery, small eyes staring into the camera. “She had a major drug problem, behavioral issues.” She shook her head. “Always acting out.”

  Vincent smiled at the camera. He had gained weight, but nothing else had changed. His white-blonde hair still hung around his head at shoulder-length. He had charmed and fooled so many people with his angelic face, but a close look into his eyes was like staring into the abyss.

  I didn't hear the rest of the program. The violence surged up my throat, and I shoved Luke aside to flip open the toilet seat, and I voided everything I ate at the party. The man who haunted my thoughts for years was blown up on the television, unpunished—along with my foster parents.

  “Jessica, you’re safe.”

  My lip quivered as my stomach still clenched with nausea. All it took was a short video of my attackers to shatter the delusion that I had moved on. That I was fixed. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault.”

  He held me. I was boiling in pain, and I didn't want to do it anymore. When will I be free of them? I wanted to break away from Luke and sob in private, but he refused to let me go. I felt ashamed. It was as though my tears were indecent that I should hide them like everything in my past.

  “How did they find out my name?” I said in a shaking voice. “How did they find out all of it?”

  “Someone told them your name, address, everything. They sold a story about you.”

  His deep voice rumbled through my chest. I shook my head. “No, I told no one about us. I swear, Luke!”

  Except Natalie.

  I froze in Luke’s arms.

  Natalie, how could you do this?

  The betrayal was like a slap to the face. How could she tell them about my foster parents? Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks, and as Luke pulled away, there was sympathy in his expression, but a little anger, too.

  “She would never do this to me.”

  He smiled without humor. “Just about anyone is capable of just about anything. I’ve had this happen countless times.” He stroked my hair. “I’m sorry about this. I know how it feels, believe me.”

  The horror of it all pounded in my brain. I dug into my purse and opened my cell phone and saw three texts:

  You need to call me immediately

  Don’t let Luke go on TMZ

  Jessica, I swear I didn’t tell anyone

  Five missed calls and two messages. I played them both on speakerphone. Luke listened beside me, fury etched all over his face. The first message expressed her confusion, the second one was clearer.

  "Jessica," she said in a trembling voice. "I found out what happened. Ben saw the photos and called TMZ. They offered him a lot of money for your name and background, and then they got your foster parents, and they said all of those terrible things." She sobbed. "I'm so sorry, Jessica. I don't think he meant for any of this to happen—"

  Her voice vanished as I ended the message. Somehow I felt emptier than I had before. My best friend's fiancé sold me out, all because she couldn't keep her trap shut. I looked at him. "I never told Ben anything. Natalie had known about the website before I met you, so she must have blabbed to him. She wasn't supposed to say anything!"

  Luke shook his head and shrugged. He wouldn’t even look at me. “I’m going to bed.”

  Darkness swallowed the room as Luke turned off the light. I sat on the carpet, hugging my legs.

  I woke up with my back aching as Luke shook me awake, his hand on my knee. It took several moments for me to remember why I felt so awful.

  His hands stroked my shoulders. “Did you stay here all night?”

  My eyes burned with fatigue. “I—didn’t think you wanted me around.”

  Luke’s face was pained. “I was angry, but not at you.” He picked me up and kissed my cheek. “Let’s get out of here.”

  I nodded, my spirits rising. So, we were still together, despite our secret being out in the open. My heart beat against my throat as he hugged me.

  I don’t deserve him.

  A nagging guilt needled at my conscience. What kind of damage would this exposé do to Luke? It was hard to tell whether his aunt and uncle had seen the report on TMZ. By now, other gossip websites would have the same story plastered all over their pages. I dressed as quickly as possible, eager to leave Chicago and return home.

  Return to what? To my volunteer job at the soup kitchen? To my ‘best friend’?

  She knew how fucking important this was. It galled me that she would do something like this for money, especially when I wired everything I owed her and then some.

  A depressing thought entered my head. The ten grand in my account—how long would it last? My heart pounded with anxiety. I did not want to return home; I didn’t want to look at Natalie and hear her useless apologies, or deal with the fact that I was still broke and jobless.

  At least I have Luke.

  I watched as Luke packed his bags with more force than was necessary. Even he felt like a temporary arrangement. One day he’d wake up and realize that he would have to marry a high-society girl, a woman who would look good hanging on his arm. Hell, a woman without all the baggage I’m carrying.

  That couldn’t—would never—be me. The fairytale would end.

  Luke was silent all the way to the airport and didn’t speak a word during the flight. Like him, I was waiting for the axe to fall. It was only a matter of time before his father when he got wind of the tabloids.

  Relief flowed through my veins when the pilot announced that we were flying over Oakland and would land shortly. I looked down and saw the blue, freezing water of the bay. Luke glanced at his phone after landing and stuffed it back into his jacket.

  What now?

  As I followed Luke out of the plane and into San Francisco’s breezy air, I wondered what the hell would happen. I squeezed his hand as we waited in the chilly air for a cab.

  He turned his head toward me, his windswept hair making him look adorably ruffled. “I know you’re eager to go home, but I don’t want to be alone.”

  He was asking me to stay with him.

  “Luke, I want to be with you.” I didn’t need to add that I had no desire to be in Natalie’s presence, not after what her fiancé did.

  It annoyed me that there were paparazzi still clicking away at us outside SFO. I couldn’t wait to see the headlines: Luke Pardini seen at SFO with a blonde escort, who does he think he's kidding?

  I bounced on my toes to give him a kiss. He drew my body into his and bit down on my lip as I swept my tongue across his mouth. My heart was pounding when he pulled away with a heated look on his face.

  “I can’t wait to get home,” he whispered in my ear as the cab appeared.

  Twenty minutes later, we stumbled up the steps of his Victorian home in Pacific Heights. It was one of the richest areas in San Francisco, where the homes had actual driveways, a luxury in the city.

  He really lives like a king.

  I barely had time to marvel at the beauty of his home before Luke grabbed my hand and led me upstairs. We ran up the steps, and he pulled me to the side, his arms wrapping themselves around my waist. His mouth parted, and I leaned forward to taste those lips I fantasized about all day. His fingers dug into the waistband of my jeans, and I slipped my hands under his sweater. I dragged my thumb across his hard nipple and squeezed his back muscles as he slid around my backsid
e. I could already feel his hardness grinding against my leg, and my core heated, almost like I could feel him thrusting inside me already.

  We were halfway to the bedroom, and his mouth was tracing a downward path from my neck. Then the phone rang, jarring us out of our dance toward the bed. My face hot, I looked up at Luke, who seemed to debate whether to answer it or not. He let out an angry sigh and kissed my head.

  “It might be work, just hold on.”

  Damn it.

  He picked the phone off the dresser and winced when he looked at the screen. I felt cold all over as I realized what his expression meant.

  “What?” he barked.

  Stiffness worked itself through my limbs like poison. It started in my hands when Luke left my embrace. Something was fighting to swim to the surface of my mind, something that made my heart sink.

  He spat angry words into the phone, his face becoming red. “It’s not like that.”

  It was his father. I turned around, feeling numb as I walked out of his bedroom and picked up my purse in the living room. It was torture to wait in the foyer with my suitcase.

  I can’t do this to him.

  His slow footsteps creaked the wooden floorboards.

  “My dad will donate all of his money to charity unless I end things with you.”

  I nodded. A quiet storm was building up in my chest, and my voice was already shaking with the first throes. "So that's it, then."

  “No. Fuck him.”

  It was the last thing I expected him to say, and a surge of joy flooded my heart.

  You can’t do this to him. You can’t force him to throw away his entire fortune.

  Guilt punctured my joy like a needle to a balloon.

  “Maybe you should think about this.”

  Luke’s expression hardened. “I have thought about it. And the more power I give to that bastard, the more miserable I am.”

  “Wait—so what’s going to happen?”

  “I told you. He’s giving it all away. He said he’s calling his lawyer now.”

  It would be all my fault. Luke’s miserable smile sent guilt crashing through my veins. “Giving it all away?”

  “I told you he’d do it.”

  “I can’t let you do that.”

  “Why not?” he said in a loud voice. “It’s my choice. My decision.”

  We barely knew each other.

  I looked at his designer clothes, the rolled-up sleeves of the Armani dress shirt, the ornate hallway echoing with our voices. Would all of this disappear?

  “What about your job?”

  An uncertain look crossed his face.

  “Oh my God.”

  He would be fired. I clutched my t-shirt as my heart pounded with the stress of being the sole reason Luke was stripped of his fortune and yanked from his job.

  No. I can’t take this.

  “This is insane. You will not give up your entire legacy for someone you barely know.”

  “What’s the fucking point of it all if I’m unhappy?”

  He’ll be unhappy with me.

  Maybe I was crazy, but I would have rather left him while there was still a glow in my heart, then months down the line when he would resent me for ruining his life.

  “We don't know each other.”

  The fire wouldn’t stop blazing from his eyes. “I don’t care.”

  “You don’t right now because you’re angry, but in a few months? You’ll hate the sight of me.”

  “Jess, that’s not true!”

  I avoided the hand that tried to touch my shoulder. “It was fun while it lasted—”

  "Don't do this," he said in a tight voice.

  “I’m not that into you.”

  He laughed. “You’re a bad liar, Jess.”

  I steeled myself so I could stab him in the chest. “You were right about me. I—I don’t want to be involved with you if I’m not getting something out of it.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Let me spell it out for you,” I yelled. “If you’re broke, I want nothing to do with you."

  I got one look at his face, wretched with grief, before I grabbed my suitcase. I ripped it across the floor as I crashed through the door. My suitcase bounced on the steps, and I sped up the hill in a blind rage, determined not to look back.

  What the fuck are you doing?

  I waited at the MUNI bus stop and half-expected Luke to come storming at me and demand for an apology, to call me out on my lies, but nothing happened. He swallowed every vicious word that came out of my mouth.

  I'd never see him again.

  A silent scream ripped through my insides as I forced myself to turn my back on Luke. Not all fairytales have a happy ending, but it was still wonderful while it lasted. I would never forget him.

  10

  “You’re back!”

  Natalie stood up from the couch as I entered our apartment, but quickly sank at the look on my face.

  “Jess, I’m so sorry. Ben swore he wouldn’t say a word.” Her arms trembled as she approached me and her cheeks shined with tears. “Please believe me.”

  I softened when I saw how upset she was over it. She still should have kept her trap shut. “You told him when I asked you not to tell anyone. I made you promise.”

  She gave a frustrated sigh and brushed her hair back with her right hand. "I know I fucked things up for you both. I'm sorry."

  When I looked at her hands, I saw she wasn’t wearing her engagement ring.

  Whoa. “What happened?”

  Natalie's eyes watered and then before I knew it, she had launched herself in my arms. She sobbed into my shoulder, and I reached around to pat her back.

  “I don’t know if I’m ready to marry him.”

  Wow. “Seriously? You guys are perfect together.”

  “I was sure before we were engaged, but then he got his new position at the law firm. Now…eh. We barely see each other.”

  “What are you talking about? Don’t you hang out every weekend?”

  “No. He works on weekends. Damn it, Jess. I was so lonely when you left, and then he had to start this whole mess with your foster parents.”

  I didn’t even consider how she must have suffered. “I don’t want you to break up with him because of me.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”

  A small amount of guilt wormed its way inside my heart.

  I do not want this. If Natalie and Ben weren’t meant together that was one thing—but I didn’t want her to break up over this. What if she regrets it years down the line and resents me for it?

  I gently disengaged myself from her arms and sat down at the kitchen table. As I did, a wave of exhaustion slammed into me. I didn’t realize how tired I was from all the traveling.

  “What about Luke?”

  I was a lot less willing to discuss him. “What about him?”

  Natalie rolled her eyes. “What happened between you guys?”

  “It’s over.”

  “Oh—because his father found out?”

  I looked at her, debating whether to tell her the truth. "I walked out on him."

  “What? Why?”

  I’m wondering that myself.

  My hands gripped the splintered edge of the crappy kitchen table. “I didn’t want him to lose his fortune. He shouldn’t have to choose between me and five billion freaking dollars.”

  “Are you telling me he turned down the money for you, and you rejected him?”

  Fury smoldered from Natalie’s eyes. “Well, yeah.”

  Her hand whirled across my vision as she slapped my head. “Are. You. Completely. Mental?”

  Jesus.

  “It’s not just the money, Nat. It’s his job. Probably his house, too. He’s—”

  “He’s perfect for you, you bleeding idiot!”

  I'd never seen her so upset. She slammed her fists on the kitchen table and shook her head, gazing at me like I was something under her shoe.


  “I know he is. He was the best thing in my life. When we first started out, I thought he was just going to be a typical spoiled rich boy, but he’s not at all like that. Luke made me feel like I was normal. He made me feel cherished, and I’ve never felt that.”

  “Then why the fuck would you ditch him like that?”

  “His dad called and demanded that he stop seeing me, or Luke would never see a cent of that money. He wouldn’t leave me. S—so I left him.”

  She stared at me, slack-jawed with shock. “I don’t get it.”

  “I can’t live knowing I’m the cause that everything went to shit around him.”

  She looked up as she heard the tremble in my voice. “How are you holding up with all this?”

  I covered my face with my hands. I tried to shrug it off, but my breath choked, and Natalie's warm hand touched my shoulder. It hurt. A lot. I wanted him more than anything in my life—more than I wanted to breathe.

  Is Natalie right? Am I going to regret this forever?

  “I told him I didn’t want him if he was broke.”

  She made a small gasping sound. “Jesus, Jessica.”

  “I had to!” I said, lifting my head. “If I wasn’t a complete bitch to him, he would have never let me go.”

  And I love him too much to see him grow to resent me.

  I thought of the old saying, “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

  Whoever came up with that was full of shit.

  It was far worse to have a brief taste of true happiness, only to have it ripped away forever.

  Ignorance is bliss.

  Natalie’s gripped my shoulders and hugged my back. “You need to talk to him. Tell him you were talking out of your ass.”

  “No, I won’t.”

  “Yes, you will. He’s not a guy you throw away!”

  “What’s the point? He would’ve tossed me aside to marry a high-society girl, eventually. You know I’m right.”

  “How the fuck is he going to do that now he has no money?”

  “It doesn’t matter. I can’t live with the fact I’m the reason it’s all gone. Don’t you get that?”